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edward palmquist

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lulled by the rain

2007

It was raining that night… I couldn’t sleep much. It seemed like the only thing that was real was you… but even that I couldn’t call mine. (Mine… such a selfish word… or is it instead the lips that form it that are so selfish?) Such a strange feeling laying in the same bed as you. I never felt so close to you, yet we two were so far apart. All I could do was watch you.

Your eyes were as warm as ever… unfaltering in their brilliance despite being deep in slumber. Your hair hung down tracing your jaw line as if to tease me. A few strands draped across your face. Your neck was in clear view beneath your hair. Your skin glowed faintly in the moonlight. Your lips quivered slightly… you were dreaming.

My eyes moved slowly down your delicate form, taking in the subtle beauty I yearned to have for myself. Your shoulders had a sort of sadness to them, exposed and vulnerable to the evils of the night. Your chest heaved in a not particularly cliché manner. The rest was veiled by your blanket… the rest I left to the imagination… I was dreaming.

Guilt stuck hard in my throat… I looked away… I owed at least that much to you. Upon the second pass, I decided to slip the blanket up over your shoulder, protecting them from the evils of the night… the desperate urges of a 16 year old boy being one of them.

You clutched at the blanket bemusedly… somewhat relieved, somewhat disappointed. I slowly reached out and brushed the few misplaced strands of hair back behind your ear. You vaguely nuzzled my hand, drawn to the warmth by a primal instinct. My hand lingered there for a few last moments, softly stroking your cheek with the side of my thumb.

I slowly pulled away and rolled over onto my back with finality. My hands fell to my sides, clenched at first and finally releasing along with a sigh from both of us.

I closed my eyes and slowly at last drifted to sleep, lulled by the rain pattering outside the window, and your breathing at my side.

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