edward palmquist




I should have been there.
You were all alone
who could blame you?
Remember four years ago
when the same thing almost happened?
I was there for you then.
I still remember holding you
while you cried and told me how sorry you were.
Do you know what you told me then
while we sat by the door to your room?
You said you would stay alive
for me.
Yet here you are now
cold in my arms.
Am I not even worth staying alive?
Your face is flushed
your lips smeared with the powder blue coating
of the very pills that were supposed to prevent all of this.
The lights of the approaching ambulance casts a dull glow
upon the windows.
Right now I can’t hear the sirens.
Right now I only hear the conversation I had with the dispatcher
who was all too accustomed to such family tragedies.
I went to the phone as soon as I got home
and had discovered you shaking on the ground.
I knew even then that they would not be able to help you.
No one could help you and I think you knew that.
What’s it like dear sister?
Have the rumors of paradise proven true?
Have you taken on a whole new life
One which you can perhaps genuinely enjoy?
Are you still here with me
watching me as I reflect on things which will yield no answers?
Do you see them taking your lifeless form away?
Are you laughing at how pointless their questions are?
By the way, how many pills was it anyway?
Just enough apparently…
Or have you finally found that stillness
The kind you always wanted?
Are you as numb as I am right now?

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